Far From Real Life

I’m holding a grudge against myself that I will most likely not get over anytime soon. Meanwhile, I’ve got a lot happening that I should at least take a moment and appreciate.


A painting I made in my art class. The character Lydia holding a cup of chamomile tea.

Avoid this paragraph if you want to stay away from Breaking Bad spoilers.

On a Sunday, with school the next day, a finale party took place at a friend’s. Loaded with motivation, I biked all the way to their house for the third time. That would be about twenty kilometers, and the weather was perfect. I made a record time of 1 hour and 45 minutes, with lots of uphill. The only pain was bringing my bike back the next day.


The final episode itself was fulfilling, I can’t find any legitimate complaints. It met my expectations, but didn’t go beyond them, like some of the other episodes in the final season.

The final episode’s title was ‘Felina’, which I at first didn’t quite understand. A particular supervisor at my co-op placement gave me the surprising relevance a day later. When Walt enters the car at the beginning of the episode, he comes across a Marty Robbins cassette tape. When he starts the car, the cowboy ballad ‘El Paso’ begins to play, which foreshadows the course of the episode. The song tells of a fugitive who can’t resist but to return home to his lover Felina, and ends up getting himself killed in the process. This could be either applied to the meth lab, or Jesse, in Walt’s case. At the very end of the episode, he dies surrounded by what he was trulu passionate about, and in love with: The meth lab. In the Marty Robbins song, the main character of the story dies in Felina’s arms. In the end, you could say Walt died in the arms of his meth lab? Oh, Vince Gilligan. You and your foreshadowing, symbolism and hand-picked soundtrack. That show was honestly the best thing. I found I came to terms with its death quite well.


In other news, Ellen Page was at my doorstep this past Tuesday. I pre-ordered Beyond: Two Souls in May, since I was totally a fan of Quantic Dream’s past games. I like how they push technology and create some really emotional material.


A screenshot from Heavy Rain, Quantic Dream's 2010 game for PS3.

Lots of people criticize the company for making their games too much like movies; stripping the player of control, making the player watch more than they play. Most of the people saying that haven’t actually played their games Fahrenheit and Heavy Rain.


Ellen Page in Beyond: Two Souls looking a little too familiar...

Quantic Dream has put a substantial amount of effort into developing what they call ‘interactive drama’. They want to give the player narrative choice, so the player can make their own path in what the story has to offer, and can wind up with a combination of different endings. That’s how Heavy Rain works, at least — giving the player as many dialogue and morality choices as possible. There is also freedom to explore many areas in the game. Even though it may not offer much challenge to complete, I believe it still falls under the criteria of being a game.


But here’s an unexpected turn: I haven’t completed Beyond yet, but I must say, the game is totally leaning toward the ‘movie’ aspect, unfortunately. It’s still exciting and a joy to play, but the narrative choice has taken a hit. There isn’t too much to explore in Beyond: Two Souls, either. You can’t do much more than follow the game’s linear course that it offers you. I honestly have no idea how the endings will differentiate, but I’ll wait and see.


What isn’t linear is the storytelling. They made the creative decision of telling the story of the main character’s life, over the course of about 15 years, completely out of order. I like nonlinear storytelling, but I’m finding it isn’t benefiting anything, besides accentuating each section of the game as a total non-flowing fragment. Some people don’t mind it, but I honestly have to complain about this over the lack of narrative choices and exploration.  I definitely will let you know if the game redeems itself by the end.

On the other hand, the soundtrack, visuals and acting are just SO good. The lighting engine has to be fantastic, with certain scenes looking almost completely photorealistic. The soundtrack is definitely jammable, and the actor’s performances are well captured. I’m enjoying it, but concerned the lack of replayability will cause me to regret my full-price preorder.


I spend more time doing weird things these days. Life is different and unpredictable. I spend time alone in hospitals drinking water, making cool posters at my co-op placement… I also spent last night on set of a short film being made as a Halloween promotional video for my school. I enjoyed the time spent in the creepiest motel room ever with Nick covered in corn syrup honey blood.


That was fun and all, all this stuff was… but I think my real life could use some improvement time. Have I been spending too much time with it, or not enough? Well, this blog post suggests the latter.


Put tea and chips and salsa in face and watch Breaking Bad


This is yet another forced blog post in a dark time, and I’m holding back the whining big time. Trust me. I’m doing this to get my mind off things.

We are going to have a nice blog today because maybe today wasn’t all that bad and hey, I should appreciate it for what it was. Let’s throw aside the disgusting angsty and crusty Sept 8-13 and talk about some other things besides my emotional baggage.

For once.

I will avoid Breaking Bad spoilers but the newest episode killed me. I was traumatized in the first ten minutes and good grief that show is so close to perfect. Chips and salsa were my companions.


Today was a stormy overcast type of day. Rained enough that I didn’t have to water flowers. Dreading the fact it was the Monday of another potentially saddening week, some cool opportunity came up and I had to take it. I was surprised by a sudden assembly about graduation and post-secondary stuff that I was really not in the mood to hear. A lot of my friends had the same opinion, so Kaelen and I decided to ditch and relax. Boy, did we ever need it. We talked about gross crustiness in our lives, and sipped sweet tea drowned in honey while sitting on the wet grass in a park. All my worries left me briefly during that time — I stopped thinking about the future so much and thought about the present.

We learn from the past … the future does not exist.

Is the quote my Co-Op teacher always says, or something like that. I totally agree with it. It really applies to me these days, and I need to make decisions I want to make now, and we’ll see where they take me. I really appreciate the time I’ve spent with Kaelen. I’ve felt belittled by all of my romantically busied friends, but she still holds out for me among all that. You’re damn awesome, and shoutout to you.

We’re thinking of performing in a coffee house at the school like we’ve been planning to since last year. I kind of need it now because of IB Music. It’s really difficult, and I recently made a fool out of myself in the class by having an off day and deciding it would be a nice idea to try to watch Netflix in class on a phone, among other things. I need to be serious and make up for that.


Rain On My Window

It’s 2:15.

That’s A.M., but that prefix doesn’t matter to me, in this case.  I’ve decided to adjust to using a 24-hour clock.

It’s been too long since I documented my thoughts. School has started; my graduating year. I hate that. I want to fail my second semester English class so I can be inevitably held back a year, take extra time to build on friendships with my younger friends, get even more involved, and think more about my life plan.

I don’t think I’ll do it, though. 2014 is a nice grad year… 14. I’d be dubbed a failed mishap, but I don’t want to leave yet… the year’s just beginning, though. I’ll shut up.

I signed contracts in blood to join extra-curriculars, and take certain courses. I’ve got newly acquired Tech Crew as a favour to myself, but also to Alex. I hope I can learn all this complex terminology and how it all works so I can carry my weight, and prove useful by contributing. That’s what I want to do.

Dramafest is happening again. We just started meeting. We read my play that I wrote over the summer, and the positive reception is truly pleasing. I have confidence in my writing abilities for sure, now! I hope it gets selected to be one of our two works for this year. It’s my one chance!

After the meeting, I spent the rest of the evening ending my week with Kaelen and Will. We ate lots and talked about juicy subject matter. I always appreciate how I don’t feel third wheeled when spending time with them. It brightens up my horrid single waking nightmares. It was a really great Friday. We watched an excellent Korean film — the most unexpected best movie ever — I’m a Cyborg but That’s OK. Too good. Look it up. I’d say more but I’m on a phone and need some sleep. I’d rave too much.

Getting a drive home that night, my mom asked me about prom. This wasn’t good. She proceeded to investigate my romantic history, and I couldn’t say a thing. I never said anything anyway, but currently, there truly was nothing. #singlerant

Shut up, it’s 2:35.

I have crusty thoughts. I’m worrying big time about being the Bass section leader in choir, and having to manage and get to know people I don’t know very well, in a shrinking group. I wish me luck.

People are busy and things aren’t like summer. People have changed, I haven’t. Crap. I need to move forward, but here I am wanting to be fourteen again. I should take more initiative these days if I want to suck the life out of this year. This can start by dealing with my friends in a more positive fashion; I can’t quarantine myself in times of darkness.

I wrote a resume today. And a cover letter. Morning co-op at InterAction. Looking forward to it.

That rain on my window sounds soothing, I’m struggling to fall asleep, as usual, but now I have a good chance. 2:42.

This Isn’t The End

I’m not entirely thrilled to be heading home, but it’s a challenging obstacle I should be used to by now.


Leaving my good friends’ house for the last time in the foreseeable future, I took a break from biking to Grand Bay from Saint John. It’s much easier than I thought, and should have started earlier in this final REAL summer vacation. Sitting here blogging in the parking lot of a roadside convenience store, I’m given the impression my summer is over. It’s not true, is I?
I spent the majority of my summer vacation’s highlights with two of the greatest friends I have — they’ve managed to keep me afloat during the duration.
I’ve got art homework to do, which is only a little dull but tears the creativity out of me. That’s good.


School is starting in like five minutes. I need to find a way to keep Alex in choir, be prepared for workloads and maybe even some studying.

I can’t really be literate right now. Just thoughtz. I’ll get back to my Skittles and resume biking.

How Things Are – I Should Be Less White and More Grateful

I haven’t posted anything in a while, and I’d like to keep things up to date.I’ve recently acquired a cellular phone and I’m using the WordPress app to my advantage, so I’ll keep this brief.

The best news: I got a cellphone in my life.After spending what to some people would consider forever, I did some research and jumped in. My opinion on cellphone used to be different. I thought they were torturous expensive devices that everyone didn’t truly need.But that was before everyone got one.

I’ve realized, as painful as it is, in our technological society, there are many disadvantages faced without one. I felt a page behind people,and my sluggish communication was a drag.Now that I have access to such express communication, sadly to say, I will he more synced with life. I’ll try to remember to share some Instagram photos later.

Aside from this,stress has returned in my life after a brief state of tranquility. All things social get a bit crusty from time to time and I’ve been aspiring to fast-forward my life by sleeping. It’s been working in a sense, but I know deep down inside it’s a terribly wasteful thing to do. Unfortunately I just don’t have faith in being significantly productive in comparison.
I have these really nasty first world problems right now and it guilts me to think of them so highly. On top of family craziness and being a confused teenager, I have a scary final year of high school that already feels like tomorrow. Gotta love it.

Tomorrow I’m going away on a very potentially awkward outing, due to recent events. I’ll be back in a few days.

Big Ol’ Beeps


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